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I am awesome. Reason 1- I am. Reason 2- I am having a baby for someone else. Reason 3- I JUST AM.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


Nine days ago my pregnancy took a very unexpected turn.  I had an ultrasound and quite a few complications were found.  It came as an overwhelming surprise to me and especially to the Intended Father.  So, last Thursday, May 10th, I was admitted to the hospital and come Friday I was no longer pregnant.  Clearly there are a lot more details here, but they are not mine to share.  Nor do I think that I am strong enough at this point to share them.

But I can talk a little bit about how I feel.  Shattered.  On Thursday when I was admitted I thought, I can handle this.  Obviously I was sad, but it wasn't my baby.  Well, only a heartless person can believe that.  To know that a life was lost is so devastating that there is no possible way to comprehend how I was going to handle it.  I feel so sad for the father.  I feel so sad for the baby. When I think about them and the last week and a half- I mourn.  I cry.  I sob. I hurt so much. I wanted to make that family complete so bad.  We had worked for about a year at making this wonderful thing happened and for it to end so abruptly was very difficult to handle.

Physically, I feel great.  Having a baby at 5 months is quite different than at 9 months.  But the emotional healing will take some time.  I know in my heart this sadness will never quite go away.  But I will be able to talk about it and face it head on in the future.

As far as the surrogacy goes, that is just a question mark right now.  At this point we all need time to heal before any decisions can be made.  But if he decides not to go forward or if I decide that, then it's a decision that I know will be well received by both parties.  I have grown very close to the Intended Father and I know how much he wants a baby.  I just don't know if that is in the cards right now.

Please take a moment and say a prayer for that sweet baby and his father in this difficult time.


  1. You are truly a selfless and brave woman to go through all of this for someone to experience the joy of parenthood! I enjoyed reading every post and appreciate you being soo open about this process. I will pray for you, this baby, and the babies father! Thank you!!

    1. I am so very sad for you and the intended father. I agree with what the person above has said... thank you for sharing-i too have enjoyed your posts and I am very sorry for your loss. I will continue to pray for you, the baby and the intended father. Hugs from Arizona.
      - Sarah B

  2. What awful news -- I'm so sorry, Mavis. I can't imagine what this is like for you, or for someone carrying their own child, but I'm sure it's no easier if you're carrying someone else's. In fact, in some ways it might be harder. Hang in there.

  3. Thank you all for your kind words. The support is greatly appreciated.

  4. I know it has been a few months. I'm so sorry for your loss and for your IF. I hope you are both recovering okay. Sending love.