And So it Begins.... Round 2

Well, it has begun... I am on the juice again.  Nope, not steroids.... but back on good ol' IVF shots.  I gave myself my first one tonight.  Ahhhh, how easily we forget these sorts of things.  Like how a 15 inch needle feels as it penetrates your backside because you can't ever do it just right.  Something to do with the fact that I work in commercial real estate vs. a medical profession makes me horrible at stabbing the upper quadrant of my rump.  They start you slow.  I think it's to trick you but I am sure there is some more precise medical terminology for this.  So right now I only give myself one cc of delestrogen every three days.  But in about two weeks I will add one billion (approximate) cc's of this other stuff everyday.  That is the miserable part, if I recall.

There is always one thing to remember when giving yourself shots... not where to put the needle, or whether you numbed the spot enough or how much it is going to hurt tomorrow.... No, the important thing to remember is that you are working to make a baby for someone.  Oh, and not to hit that damned nerve that runs down your leg.   Anyway, the first one is done.  Hopefully, in about 15 weeks, there will be no more.

I do have a scheduled date for an embryo transfer, as long as my body does what it is supposed to do.  I already know that I am much more cautious of celebrating each step because of the outcome of the last transfer.  If I were a gamblin' man, I would say that I think this time is going to go great, but I just have to be more prepared if it does not.  Because last time I don't really think that I was prepared enough emotionally for the what-ifs that became reality.  But I am sure it will all be great, right?

As I was giving myself my shot tonight, my husband said something that made me feel great: "Babe, I am proud of you for all that you are doing.  It takes a strong person to do all of this for another person."  It made me realize that he understands just how much this means.  Not just for me, but for the Intended Father as well.  It is silly for me to think HE is proud of ME.  This man that is my hero and works so hard for me and our family said he is proud of me.  He is my soul mate.  He leaves Sunday for 25 days of intense training.  Then he will be home for two weeks and then he will leave for much longer to Afghanistan.  Things will be tough without him, but I will have so much free time to write random blogs about being pregnant with another man's baby!  ;-)  I hope to post about a secured embryo transfer date in the near future, so stay tuned for a play by play of round two, coming to a blog near you.

P.S. I am super excited about a new show starting that I think everyone should check it out.  I don't know all the details, but it seems to be about a couple of dads that get a surrogate to have their baby.  I already LOVE it!  The New Normal premiers on NBC September 11, 2012.

ALMOST Halfway there... 18 Weeks

Well, today I am 18 weeks and 1 day.  It seems so crazy to say.  Time really is going by so fast.  It's weird because I think that when you are pregnant with your own child things seem to go very slow.... But with this pregnancy I feel like as soon as I have one appointment, just a few days later there is another.

I went to the doctor last week and she said that baby looks well and confirmed that HE is definitely a HE.  Which is good info to have.  Today I will schedule my appointment for the big second trimester scan.  This should hopefully catch anything that may be abnormal.  Ideally, there will be nothing though.

I would say about 2 weeks ago I felt slight flutters, but now they are more defined movements.  I can't tell what his sleep schedule is quite yet, but I am sure it will become more apparent shortly.

So I have some pictures of my progressive growth.  I have gained about 5 pounds at this point.  But that will surely be changing.  This week he is (according to babycenter.com) 5.5 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 7 ounces.  They describe this as the size of a bell pepper.  HOWEVER, another brilliant blogger/ surrogate- The Deputy- has much better and more relatable description.  I mean how often are fruits and veggies one standard size?  Hmmm, never.  BUT there are things that are fairly standard in size without much variance.  So, as The Deputy says: He is the size of liquid hand soap.

5.5 inches/ 7.5 oz

*** Be sure to check out her hilarious blog here.  It gives an entirely different view on surrogacy that will surely make you laugh.***

Here are some photos of my belly progression.  The black shirt is 16 weeks and the pink shirt is 18 weeks.

16 weeks



18 week front



18 week side



P.S. Yes, I realize the pink shirt should probably be retired until after the pregnancy as it is a bit snug to be wearing....

Constant Changes

10 weeks and 5 days along

 Since my last post I have had 2 ultrasounds.  And I have 2 more scheduled next week.  Unfortunately it's not due to just wanting to see the babies a lot.  After the discovery of the twins, I went back for a follow up.  The doctor then discovered that both were a week behind in growth.  This isn't too concerning in the last trimester, but he seemed more concerned since it was early on.  The positive thing is that both had strong heartbeats, which is the most important thing, I think.

So I went back in for another ultrasound and received sad news.  One of the twins hadn't made it.  This was tough for me to take.  Though ultimately, we are trying for ONE successful pregnancy, it is still a loss to know that a baby didn't make it.  But also, I know that the most important thing is that any baby(ies) are healthy and strong, and that maybe he just wasn't.  I still am questioning if it was something I could have prevented but I have been reassured otherwise.

Unfortunately, that was not the only downer from that appointment.  The one snuggle bug in there (he is a boy, by the way) is still about 6-7 days behind, but he has a super strong heartbeat of 170 BPM.  SOOOOO, I will be trekking up to L.A. (ew) again next week.  They are doing a regular ultrasound to see if maybe he hit a growth spurt.  If NOT then I have an appointment a couple hours later at a fetal medicine specialist.  There they will complete a more clear ultrasound I guess and see if they see any triggers for chromosonal defects or something. 

So I just ask that y'all say a little prayer that maybe he is just a late bloomer.  I have read a lot of forums and gotten feedback from other surrogates and many have had similar issues (apparently common with IVF) and have gone on to have 1 or 2 healthy babies, which is all I am hoping for.  Over the last 2 weeks I have been pretty hungry, so I will take that as a sign that he is growing ferociously in there! Oh- and I have gained 2 pounds, so that means he had to do something, or is it all going on my hips... hmmmm....

Finally, now that it is definitely just one little bean, we have an official due date:

SEPTEMBER 25th!!!!

( If you don't know me too well, this is my birthday- good sign? I do believe so!!!)

p.s. If everything is fine and dandy, I get to stop shots in 9 days..... another reason for those prayers!

1+1 Equals Twice the Fun... Right?

I got news about a week and a half ago, that was pretty big, but a little tough for me to adjust to.  TWINS. 2.  Dos.  A party in my womb.  It was a lot to digest and I am still getting used to the idea.  When I had the ultrasound, within seconds the doctor says: "oh look, there's two."  Like it's a normal thing.  Just FYI, it is NOT normal to me.  Even though it's only one more, there is a HUGE difference between one and two.  At the ultrasound, it was a bit early to see heartbeats though, so it isn't officially confirmed.  But there were 2 peas in 2 pods (so not identical twins) measuring the right sizes.  We will see the heartbeats later this week.  But here is the first photo of the twins.... Yikes!

At my ultrasound there was another great shock... My wonderful baby daddy (or Intended Father as some say) came to the appointment and surprised me.  All the way from Paris.  So he got to see his BABIES for the first time and we were able to hang out all weekend and enjoy beautiful San Diego.  It was a great time. 

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH TWINS!!!

Step By Step, Day By Day

Well, I had my Beta blood test and my number was a 644.  So I am OFFICIALLY preggo according to the docs. For anyone that isn't familiar with beta numbers that, it's pretty high for a single baby.  So there may be two or it might be just one REALLY healthy baby... Yikes for two.  I have had my second blood test (7 days later) and it was 3434.  Showing steady growth BUT maybe not as rapidly as twins.  These are all assumptions that I make based on other people's stories.  For all I know there are eight in there and I will be banished from society like that Octo-lady.

Currently I am dealing with a boat load of side effects.  I can't say that it is from being pregnant as I am sure it is from the crap-ton of meds in my system.

1- ALWAYS exhausted.  I could sleep right now in fact.  I also enjoy sleeping under my desk on a regular basis.  In the morning I feel amazing.  At around 10-11 am, I feel like death.  That lasts until 8:30 pm and then I absolutely must sleep. 

2- Slightly nauseas.  Nothing ginger ale and small meals doesn't cure.  This was happening before the transfer, so I will assume it is meds.  It's just getting slightly worse, but so far I have held it together... for the most part.

3- Body temperature.  At night (right after shots) I sweat.  Bad.  My poor husband.  :-(  During the day- FREEZING.  At work I usually have a cardi, a scarf and a jacket.  It's 78 degrees outside and THAT is my outfit.

All in all I am excited to get off the meds.  Also thrilled to have the ultrasound.  That is next week.  That's when we will know how many are in there...  As of today, 5 weeks an 4 days along... CRAZINESS!

Me giving a shot- looks like I am doing it in
the side, but I am pretty twisted around and
 it's right above my bum.



I Think it Worked.....

So it started out with a 2 hour drive up to L.A. with the hubby.  Then we sat in the office and I took my Valium (yes it is prescribed) and all I wanted to do was relax.  I completely understood why they gave it to me because I was super nervous.  About 30 minutes later, they took us back into the room.  They brought in what looked like an incubator and I got to take a look at two little embryos.  It was an amazing, once in a lifetime, experience.  They looked something like this-

Then the doctor began prepping and then he said, ok we are done.  It literally was completely painless and super quick.  I had to lay there for 30 minutes with my bottom half lifted and then we went home....

Then comes the wait.  The odds are in our favor I believe.  Strong egg donor, healthy embryos and my stellar uterus.  But those factors don't always mean success.  Science can only go so far.  My blood test isn't for a few days to determine if I am or am not preggers.  HOWEVER, I obviously couldn't wait that long.  So I have obviously taken a test, or two, or 20.  I don't have the most recent, but I have one of my first positives below....

I have darker, more visible ones now, just no photos.  So... I am cautiously optimistic that everything was a success!  In other words, I am

PREGNANT!!!

OH GOSH!

This morning I had another ultrasound, and let me tell you, I didn't have high hopes.  Last time I went in assuming all was swell and they told me that my uterus was not cooperating.  This time.... it's READY FOR BLAST-OCYSTS (haha, like ready for blast off, but blastocysts... I made a funny).  Anyway, so they were like: "yo lady, nice uterus, we will be using it for a while." (or something to that affect.) 

So I sent a text to the baby daddy and let him know and we were both excited.  YAY! 

Fast Forward a couple of hours (lots of driving and work being done during this time)
WAITING WAITING WAITING for the Fertility Clinic to call and give me medication (A LOT MORE) instructions and a date.   In approximately one week little embryos are going to make their way from their dish to my uterus and make it home for a few months.  I can't believe it!  I mean, things can still go wrong, but this is pretty exciting, so I will enjoy it. 



Me- Right before my Ultrasound



AAAAHHHH!!!!!!  So in 2012 I will be carrying a baby for someone - what's on your docket?  Oh and apparently I also have been forced to make a resolution to be a bit more tidy (agreed on by my BFF <<<click there to read her adoption journey>>> and the hubby because they are OCD and I am NOT) 

HAPPY 2012!!!!!!!!!

Delays Delays Delays

Well, the transfer didn't happen.  That doesn't mean it isn't going to happen, but it didn't.  Yet.

I went to the doctor on Dec 6th and he told me that my uterine lining was looking a little thin.  It needed to be 7-12 mm (i think) thick, and mine was only at 6.3.  So they gave me some extra estrogen and then I came back a few days later for another ultrasound.  I didn't really think anything of it and was told it was pretty common, but the extra estrogen should boost it.  So when he gave me the news that it was thinner (5mm) not thicker, I was incredibly disappointed. 

The thing is, the Intended Father is an amazing man.  And this is not his first attempt at surrogacy.  So I wanted so bad to be able to tell him his long wait was finally over and that he would be a father in just nine short months.  However, I do have high hopes, and can't wait until we can do the transfer.  He said he was anticipating this delay, but hopefully there are no more.

Anyway, I went off meds, let them all cycle out and started back on them on Dec 21.  The mid cycle ultra sound is on January 3rd.  As long as there are no issues with that, we should be transferring an embryo or two shortly after. 

On another note, because the transfer didn't happen I had plenty of time to study and take my calculus final... That I FAILED.  Thankfully though, I passed the class.  No more calculus for me.  EVER. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a safe and awesome start to 2012!!!

A Calculus Final or an Embryo Transfer....

So our transfer date was originally set for December 12.  Which worked ok with my schedule.  It is my work Christmas party, but I could go without.  I mean, it's easy to determine which is more important.  BUT then, the egg donor's cycle was off by a few days so they said that the transfer would be on the 15th or 16th.

I was like SCORE!  Christmas party here I come.  Until I realized that the 15th is the day of my Calculus final.  Pretty hard to take a final if you are on bed rest.  I stressed about this all morning.  And then I found out from the Intended Father that they are definitely aiming for the 15th.  UUUUGGGHHHH!

So, I called the fertility  clinic and they were super amazing.  They said that as long as I am straining my mind only and not my body, it would be fine if I took my final that evening after the embryo transfer.  YAY!  I am still waiting for the IF's approval, but that is one less stress.  Thank goodness.

The only drawback is that I have to take a Valium before the procedure.  Anyone wanna guess how awesome my grade will be after taking a Calculus final while under the Valium cloud?  We will see....

Sometimes You Feel Like a Druggie....?

So, shots have been going for about three weeks... and at this point the stomach ones (Lupron) have become second nature.  I can do them in a matter of seconds.  The needle is nothing now...

But let's discuss Delestrogen.  Those need to go intramuscular (read: in the butt).  And the needle is GIANT (see photo). I figured no big deal we are pretty much pros.  I forgot to think about things like... traveling.  And what to do if you need to give yourself a shot.  The obvious answer...

DO IT IN A BURGER KING PARKING LOT

Is that not the conclusion that YOU came to? Me neither.

So we went to San Francisco for Turkey Day and traffic was predictably terrible.  So we wound up being much later than anticipated.  At 7:30 I say to the hubby, I gotta do shots in like 30 minutes... Ok- We will stop somewhere.  So we get to Burger King AKA County Hospital and their restrooms are FOUL.  I didn't even want to wash my hands for fear of contracting a disease.  So that was out.

I go back to the car and we decide to do it in the car.  Rump up, under street lights and in a VERY public place.  Yes.  I looked like a crack head.  Because I then proceeded to whip out my other syringe and shoot up my belly with Lupron.  Quite the thrilling adventure that I hope to never repeat.

Anyway... things are on track, for the most part.  Which is swell.  A couple more weeks until the transfer as long as all goes well... I can't wait!

Wow.... 'Nuff Said

Shots.  Not really a big deal.  At this point I have had quite a bit.  Between childhood and the military, I have had many a shot....

None were given by my husband though.

Having him give me the shot on Friday was emotionally exhausting.

We prepared everything. 

Then we read all the instructions.  Multiple times.  Then we watched

videos. Multiple times.  At this point we were both drained and

 just wanted it done.

Finally, he gave me the shot.  I may or may not have yelled.  Multiple times.  (This may or may not have been videotaped).  I trusted this man so much.  Until Friday, somehow it was all gone.  He might as well have been a stranger on the street giving me a shot.

I am glad that the first one is over.  So far the second and third have been much easier.  Which is promising for our relationship.

I have only notice one side effect (I find it to be wonderful), the medication makes me very drowsy, so within 20 minutes I am out.  Good thing I am not taking it before work!

28 Steps... A Bit Much?

So, I received all of my medications... via FedEx.  It's amazing how they can deliver stuff on ice.  I can't even pack a cooler properly for an outing to the beach.  Anyway, so I get this little box and I think to myself "This isn't so bad..."

Then I opened it.

Whoa



It was like a clown car full of needles and vials and stuff.  Never ending box of drugs.  I thought it was only 2 or 3 that were coming.  So it was very surprising when I pulled SIX prescriptions out of the box.  I am not kidding when I say that I almost had an anxiety attack.

THEN, I read through the instructions for the first set of shots.  TWENTY EIGHT STEPS.  As in two less than THIRTY.  Um, excuse me?  It's going to take me an hour to give myself a shot.  I don't have this sort of time allotted in my schedule.

The next day the fertility clinic called to discuss the meds with me.  Thank goodness.  She explained that the extra ones were for later on down the road and then told me which ones to focus on.  That helped.  She also said they had a video on their website that goes through giving the shots.  Step by step.  All 28 of them.   I haven't had a chance to view this, but I will by tomorrow.

Can you believe I start meds tomorrow?  I am wondering of the side effects... I mean if you are suppressing and injecting various hormones, something is bound to happen.  I will keep you updated on Monday with photos and reports of crazy out of control hormones.

It's Official!

I am now a surrogate!  Well, as of October 26th I was.  That's when all of the contracts were signed, sealed and delivered.  That is crazy...  Next Friday, one week from today, I start taking shots.  This will be a whole new experience for me and I can't wait.  I am sure after a few days, I will be over it, but for now it seems exciting.

Getting to this point has taken a while, but I know in the end it will be worth it.  The day I got the contracts I was super excited.  But I knew that this was a HUGE life changing decision.  I mean, I am using my body to give someone else a baby!  So of course I had to reflect on it a bit.  My wise friend, ElleBee, said something that made it very easy: "This is an opportunity for you to make a difference in this jacked up world of ours.  No question about it that you should do it." That's why I love her.

I printed two copies.  Me and the hubs signed and initialled about ONE BILLION pages and sent them to our lawyer.  Now all is set.  I am ready for all this adventure has to bring.... I think. 

So next Friday I start Lupron shots.  Not sure what this does.... suppresses estrogen maybe???  That link back there says but it's still very confusing to me.  I bet in 3 months I will be an expert.  Anyway, those go into my stomach.  EVERYDAY.

Feel free to join me on this journey.  From shots to morning sickness to hand delivering a baby to the Intended Father, I have a feeling this is going to be a fun and probably bumpy ride!

Tick Tock

When I signed up for surrogacy… I had a general idea of how long it would take.  Approximately 1 year.  Well, I officially got medical clearance (saying the hubby and I are both clean and free of infection- like there was any question) last night.  So NOW we all sign contracts.  THEN shots start…. Let’s take a look at the timeline:

May 28^th- Applied with THE AGENCY

June 2^nd- Placed on website to be matched

July (beginning) – Interviewed with the Intended Father<<< LOVED him

Next day- officially matched

10 days later-ish - Met with psychiatrist and got clearance

August----waited waited waited

September 6^th- Drove to L.A. for fertility screening

Last week- Mailed Marco’s blood and urine. TWICE (Weird)

Yesterday- Got medical clearance

Today- Start birth control pills (thank goodness!)

But from here it is still going to be a bit… contracts, shots, 4-6 weeks, then implantation.  THEN nine months of incubating.  So, there is at least 11 more months left.  I am just curious as to where the 12 month estimate comes from.   So if this is something that you are interested in- I think that a better, more accurate estimate of time is 15-18 months.  Which is fine with me, but everyone should be clear on that.

Today, the IF (Intended Father) said “I am glad I have you.”  Just a great reminder that he is truly grateful and as excited as I am about getting this baby to him.

Nice Uterus, Lady

“You have a great uterus!”  Something I am well aware of, but always good to get confirmation.  I am a surrogate.  Okay, maybe it’s a little premature for that.  I am working on becoming a surrogate.  Since May.  No one mentioned that it takes THIS long.  In the end it will be worth it.  A friend of mine recommended an agency and THE AGENCY matched me with an AMAZING Intended Father that lives many clicks away in France.  Thanks to Google Chat- for making it possible for us to talk regularly.

I know that a lot of people “frown upon” surrogacy.  They think that I am giving up my own baby or selling a baby or it’s not how God intended.  To those people I say: Bite me.  Marco and I have been so blessed.  We have A LOT of babies.  All four of those babies have changed my life incredibly.  Ali with her sweet demeanor, Kingston with his daring ways, Jaedon with his sensitive smile… and Caleb with his HUGE appetite.  Man that boy can eat.  God has given to us.  A LOT.  I want to give back.  We don’t have a lot of money to give but I do have a great uterus and I know that it will change someone’s life.

Surrogacy is a huge step and some probably wonder how I came to it.  So I will give a brief overview of the beginning… a while ago (not sure if I should say when), my best friend, ElleBee, and her husband started trying to get pregnant.  A while later it still had not happened.  Even longer after that, still no baby.  It was so difficult to understand and incredibly heartbreaking.  There were lots of tears.  She saw specialists- nothing was wrong.  He saw specialists- nothing was wrong.  They keep trying, nothing.  It makes no sense.  I joked one day saying that I would carry their baby for them, but they weren’t quite ready to take that route….  But I realized that I was, it would just be for someone else.

It may not work out in the end.  We are still waiting for blood test results and cycles need to match and lots of shots will be taken, but if all goes as planned the Intended Father will be holding his new baby by this time next year.

Side note:  Check out my dear friend, ElleBee, as she and her husband embark on the amazing journey of adoption.  Read her blog, maybe even donate a bill or two to the cause, because it turns out that adoption is pretty pricey!

Why I should be Dr. Mavis

Recently, I made the BRILLIANT decision to get off birth control.  Obviously, the hubby and I have WAY too many kids (4), so it isn't so we can reproduce.  It's because I needed to start the surrogacy progress (that's for another day.)  Anyway, about a week after getting off birth control I realized why it's so efficient...

Birth Control = Hormones in check= no desire to get naked - even to take a shower.
No birth control = Want to go at it like bunnies.  All day, everyday, anywhere.

This is how they get you, those damned pharmaceutical companies.  It's not that they are protecting you from anything.  The trick is they are keeping you from it.  It's like a sex repellent.  

But I don't want to get pregnant.  To me, this is a complete lose-lose scenario. 

Pharmaceuticals- 1
Mavis- 0